October is National Hate Your Roommate Month.
Roommates: you either are simply annoyed by them or loathe them with every fiber of your being, but unless you have infinite money to put toward rent, then you’re pretty much stuck living with someone else.
Whether you live with one roommate or five, there’s always an underlying code of honor that you should aspire to live to. Without further ado, here are the ten roommate commandments that you strive to follow.
1. Thou shalt not make thy friend thy roommate
While it may be tempting to live with your friends because you already know and get along with them, you can be sure that by the end of your roommate experience you will hate them. Soon enough, every small thing they do “wrong” will send your skin crawling, whether it be leaving the lid off of their toothpaste, or not refilling the toilet paper roll. Because they’re also your friend, you won’t be as apt to confront them on things that bother you, which will only make you resent them more as time goes on.
2. Thou shalt not make thy roommate thy friend
Don’t get me wrong, it is absolutely important to foster a friendly relationship with your roommate, because you will spend most of your time with him or her. But, as soon as your roommate comes crying to your door because so-and-so hurt his or her feelings, or he or she got into a fight with their insignificant other, it’s time to cut the cord. Being dragged into unnecessary drama with people you don’t know is as harmful to you as it is to your roommate. You can also be assured that if your roommate comes home complaining about every person he or she was in contact with during the day, then they are probably talking about you to other people too, which brings me to my next point.
3. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy roommate
You will be more than tempted to turn to your friends or assorted allies when your relationship with your roommate heads south; however, this isn’t always the wisest decision because things will always get back to your roommate. Your home is supposed to be the one place where you can wear footie pajamas, eat ice cream for every meal and/or play video games for days on end without bathing (not speaking from experience, of course) unless your record is absolutely spotless, it’s important that you leave your roommates’ personal lives personal.
4. Thou shalt not covet thy roommate’s possessions
Be it your roommate’s brewery leftovers that they haven’t touched for days, or their new t-shirt that you’re thinking of “borrowing,” don’t fall into the trap of comparing what you have to what your roommate has. Coveting your roommate’s possessions will inevitably lead to “borrowing” your roommate’s possessions. Always ask to borrow something before you do so, and be sure that if you can’t return that item after using it (food or drinks), to have it replaced within a week’s time.
5. Thou shalt not move their significant other into thine apartment
I get it, your college significant other is probably super important to you, and you’re sure that your relationship will stand the test of time. This is in no way grounds to move your significant other into your apartment. Your roommate agreed to live with you, not with your “soulmate” you met at Sheetz on Saturday night. Moving someone in with you does not only cover giving them a key, but also letting them in your apartment when you’re gone or having them over at your apartment at all hours of the day. It’s uncomfortable, it’s disrespectful and you should avoid doing it at all costs
6. It will not kill thee to do the dishes and take out the damn trash once in a while
No one wants to do the dishes or take out the trash. It’s something that plagues us every day, but if you follow the golden rule (do unto others as you would have done unto you), then you would do the dishes for your roommate as your roommate would have done the dishes for you. Someone has to do the menial chores that no one wants to do, and sharing a space can be chaotic enough without fighting over who did what chore when.
7. Thou shalt not be passive aggressive toward thy roommate.
You and your roommates will inevitably have differences. Some of them are trivial enough that they can be slipped under the rug, but in the event that they cannot be it’s important that you talk to your roommate about the issues that you’re having directly. Do not tweet about it, leave passive aggressive notes about it or take “revenge” on your roommate. Just address the problem, and if you come off like a jerk, so be it. You’ll both be glad for it in the end.
8. Thou shalt forgive thy roommate’s trespasses
Your roommate will do something that will grate on your nerves. They may borrow something of yours without asking, or throw a party when you have a test the next day. No one is perfect, and my guess is that you aren’t either. You are going to slip up, and it’s better to have forgiven your roommates slip ups, so that when you do, your roommate will forgive you, too.
9. Thou shalt respect thy roommate’s needs
Is your roommate a night owl? Then don’t slam pots around in the early morning. Does he or she shower in the morning? Shower at night instead. If you and your roommate plan your days around each other, then it will make life a whole lot easier.
10. Thou shalt not murder thy roommate
This one should be self-explanatory, but if God had to include this in his commandments, I thought it wouldn’t be a bad idea to include it in mine.