Here at the Rocket, we strive to cover the latest and most hard hitting news that we can find throughout the university.
Of course this is much easier said than done. As you may or may not have noticed, Slippery Rock is not always the most exciting place to be.
Because of this, the Rocket staff is more than happy to take suggestions for story ideas.
Surprisingly, a lot of students and locals do send ideas. The catch is that not many of them know what constitutes a news story.
For example, this week I received an email from the “Dollar Rubber Club” asking that I write a story about their products.
Although I don’t think that it is at all newsworthy, I also thought that the email was too interesting to ignore.
Please note that I am not trying to be a corporate sellout for the “Dollar Rubber Club” and I am not trying to sell you their great products at a low and affordable price.
The idea behind the club is that you pay a monthly fee to get packs of condoms in the mail, rather than having to go to the store to buy them.
The press release states, “Today, men can rest easy knowing they will no longer have to miss last minute action with their lucky partner or suffer the embarrassment of buying rubbers in public.”
I find this to be a very strange problem to have. When I buy condoms, I have a smile that stretches all the way across my face.
When the clerk says, “have a nice night,” I can’t help but respond with, “you know I will.”
Do people really get embarrassed about not only having sex, but also protecting themselves from STDs and unwanted pregnancies?
To be fair, the press release does address my questions with a quote from one of their customers, Tom S., who said, “I HATE buying condoms. I hate it. I don’t want to see my girlfriend’s mom at the grocery store, and I sure as hell don’t want some stupid kid at 7-Eleven judging me when I buy a box of 12.”
Lucky for you Tom S., I’ve thought of a few strategies to help get you out of those sticky situations.
First, if you happen to see your girlfriend’s mom while you’re buying condoms at the grocery store, you should approach her.
If you see her glance at your box of goodies, tell her that it’s for your parents because it’s their anniversary.
This will make you seem like a family man, which is always a positive in the eyes of a mother.
Tom S.’s other situation is a little bit trickier. As you all know, kids are very judgmental when it comes to condom brands.
Because of this, I would recommend skipping out on those juvenile flavored condoms, and instead buy a pack of Trojan Magnum.
Of course you could always skip my advice and join the “Dollar Rubber Club”.
You can order packs of three, six, or twelve in a variety of brands.
But if you’re prone to embarrassment like the people that this club is targeted to, I’d suggest ordering more than just the three-pack.
Whoever is in charge of packing and shipping the product is going to see your name when he packs your three condoms into a box, and you will forever be known to him as the guy who only has sex three times a month.
Also, if you still live with your mother, there is a chance that she will find your package in the mailbox.
If that happens, I suggest that you tell her that they’re for your girlfriend’s parents because it’s their anniversary.
She’ll be proud of you for being so thoughtful.