Ask Andi

Published by adviser, Author: Andi - Rocket Contributor, Date: October 22, 2014
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Question:

Dear Andi,

I live in a room with three other girls and lately I feel like they’ve been ganging up on me. They always hang in a different room with the door closed as if they’re holding a secret meeting that I can’t be a part of. I’m not sure what I did or how to fix this. It’s making me really depressed.

Slowly Sinking

Answer:

Dear Slowly Sinking,

In a group of people there will always be one person who is the odd man out. Right now, it just happens to be you. I know that sucks to hear but that could turn around any day. I had the same thing happen to me one year. My first suggestion is to start hanging out with your roommates more individually than all together. I think that will make a huge difference because there aren’t other people there to influence how they act or what they think so they might act differently. If that doesn’t work after a while, or if they don’t want to hang out with you, then I’d say to move on. That’s kind of a harsh thing to do, but I personally believe that it’s not worth being friends with people who are constantly going to bring out the negative in you. You don’t deserve that. I say, first, go with trying to talk to them individually though! It worked for me!

Sincerely,

Andi

Question:

Dear Andi,

My roommate keeps bringing girls back to our room, but I feel uncomfortable. What do I do?

Confused Adolescence

 Answer:

Dear Confused Adolescence,

Have you talked to your roommate about this? Most often miscommunication is the biggest problem with roommate conflicts. Simply talking to your roommate about it could really eliminate a lot of problems happening now and problems that could happen in the future. Also, most likely you both have an issue with something the other is doing so this could give you both an opportunity to address whatever issues there may be. My most important piece of advice, which you can use when discussing/talking about anything with anyone, is to never tell the person what they are doing wrong. Always use the “I feel” phrase. “It hurts me when you…” or “I don’t appreciate when you…” Blaming people directly makes them go into defensive mode and stops the conversation, so make sure to never say “You shouldn’t do…” or “You hurt me when…” Although it’s hard, discussion is the best way to fix the problem!

Sincerely,

Andi

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