Ask Andi

Published by adviser, Author: Andi - Rocket Contributor, Date: April 15, 2015
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Question:

Dear Andi,

I’ve been spending a lot of time with my best friend’s boyfriend lately because we’re in a group together for a class project.  There are two other people in the group with us, but he seems to find an excuse to meet up with me early or stay late to work with me on a part of our project.  I can’t deny that we’ve had a few ‘moments’ when we’ve been together, and he’s definitely attractive, but he’s my friend’s boyfriend.  I don’t want anything to happen that messes up the friendship that I have with her or him.  What can I do to steer things back to the friend-zone?

Sincerely,

Resisting Romance

Answer: 

Dear Resisting Romance,

I think the best way to approach this situation is slowly stop hanging out with him as much. If he asks to come early or stay late to help with a project, just say that you don’t need the help. Make up any excuse you can so that you don’t develop any more feelings for him. This could put all three of you in a really awkward situation and it could hurt all of you. If you do actually need his help, it’s not just a time for you two to hang out. Maybe only hang out with him in public places and more in the middle of the day. This way you two might act differently towards each other, and then it’s seen more as schoolwork and not hang out time. I think that making those changes could work, but if not, your safest bet would be to just stop talking to him as much. It might hurt at first, but someone else will come along!

Hope things work out!

Andi

Question:

Dear Andi,

I recently celebrated a birthday, and so did my old best friend from high school.  Our birthdays are actually five days apart, and for the first time ever, she didn’t text me to wish me a happy birthday. She just wrote on my Facebook wall, which I was a little upset about, but I guess we’re more like acquaintances now, so I can’t be too upset.  Then by the time her birthday came around, I honestly got so busy that I forgot to get in touch with her, which I feel so bad about, despite the status of our friendship.  Should I still get in touch with her to say that I hope she had a nice day, or should I just forget about it?  I feel bad that she made an effort on my day, and that I didn’t on hers.

Sincerely,

Birthday Blues

Answer: 

Dear Birthday Blues,

I think it would be nice if you did. Just explain what happened and I’m sure she’ll get it. We all have busy lives in college with homework, clubs and organizations, socializing, etc. Things happen but there’s no reason you can’t apologize and tell her that you were thinking about her. I think it’s nice to get texts from people saying that they’re thinking about you, whether it’s for her birthday whether it’s late or not. The fact that you feel bad about missing it and not saying something shows that you care. If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t be asking me about this, so I would just say go ahead, apologize for missing it and tell her that you hope she had a good day. It can’t hurt!

It’s better late than never!

Andi

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