Students who come to college in long-distance relationships have a unique experience adjusting to college life. They may experience stress, strain or tension between their commitments to their partner and their university.
SRU students shared advice based on their personal experiences in their respective long-distance relationships. They suggest a positive outlook on how long-distance relationships can be beneficial and strengthen relationships.
Sophomore Alexander Holmes has been in a long-distance relationship since his girlfriend began attending Penn State University in the fall of 2023. When he started at SRU a year later, the distance between them increased further.
“We’ve had distance for a while; it just wasn’t as far as it is now back then. But I think that experience gave us good preparation for the current situation we are in,” Holmes said.
Junior Abby Brubaker has been in a long-distance relationship for three years of her five-year relationship. The distance between the universities she and her boyfriend attend is approximately five hours apart.
Brubaker said the most important part of upholding a long-distance relationship is communication.
“We try to call at least once a week, but often can call three to five times,” she said. “We will often send each other little updates throughout the day and tell each other things that remind us of the other person.”
Both Brubaker and Holmes said they appreciate that they can grow independently of their relationship.
“We both enjoy that we have space to grow and learn apart in different environments,” Holmes said. “My girlfriend has noted several of her friends out there having unsuccessful attempts at relationships, and these are from people who can see each other every day. I just think the space has benefited us more than it has been detrimental to our relationship.”
Brubaker said it is important for students in long-distance relationships to acknowledge that they are living separate lives from their partner.
“Understanding that you are both changing, and that your communication will change is imperative,” she said. “It is important to learn how to adapt to those changes and continually work to find what works for both of you.”
When the students do get to spend time in person with their partners, they cherish it.
“We are both active people, so we love to go on hikes, walks and bike rides,” Brubaker said.
Holmes mentioned that involvement in jobs and university activities can interfere with his availability as well as his girlfriend’s.
“When there are gaps in semester events, or when I can get off work early on a Friday, I tend to be in State College,” Holmes said.
Holidays centered around relationships, such as Valentine’s Day, can be difficult to make time for in long-distance relationships.
Holmes said his girlfriend’s birthday is the day before Valentine’s Day, so the couple celebrates the two occasions at the same time when they are both free. Sometimes, it is multiple weeks before or after the dates.
Brubaker said that she and her boyfriend have not been able to spend Valentine’s Day together.
“I think we do our best to acknowledge those days and how they make us feel, and just plan for the next time we will get to see each other in person rather than dwell on ‘what we’re missing’,” she said.
Both students offered their advice to SRU students who are in long-distance relationships, who may be struggling.
Holmes advised not to fear being separated by the distance but to embrace it instead.
“Creating a dependence on requiring the active physical attention of your partner while you deal with a busy schedule and a school workload can lead to confusion, despair and loneliness when it isn’t available,” he said.
Brubaker said that it is helpful to always know the next time she will see her boyfriend, and this is a strategy students could also use.
“I find it helpful to be able to ‘count down’ until the next time we will be together, and that way I can look forward to it without the worry of when that day will come,” she said.
Brubaker and Holmes both said that if students intend to stay with their partner, the long distance will only help them grow in their relationship.
