A Modest Farewell
May 9, 2013
It’s amazing how quickly time flies.
Yes, I’m aware that this statement is a cliché for a farewell column, but I’m serious. Though the reality of this being my final semester of school didn’t kick in until receiving my ‘golden tickets’ for graduation, the thought that four years of my life flew by in the proverbial blink of an eye was one that really hit home.
Looking back on my four years at SRU, I accomplished so much at this institution that I never expected to achieve when I first settled into Room 327 of North Hall in August of 2009. Becoming a proud founding father to the fraternity Kappa Delta Rho (Honor Super Omnia, my brothers!) and an award-winning writer, editor and designer for The Rocket were things I never could have anticipated becoming four years ago to the day. And I never thought that these opportunities would have taken me to Dallas or Chicago for national conventions, let alone a spring break trip to Ireland.
Most endearing of all to me, I found the love of my life at SRU – my other half, Lauren. And for this especially, along with the aforementioned reasons, I want to thank everyone who has helped me remain sane [enough] to accomplish all of this and to prepare to accomplish even more after graduation.
But with all of that said, I’m going to skip the rest of the pleasantries and cut right to the chase.
Slippery Rock, you have royally ticked me off.
Having been on the editorial staff for The Rocket ever since February of 2010, I have seen many an example of blindness, arrogance and idiocy sprout from the wood work in our town and amongst our student population. Much like cat crap that festers in an unchanged litter box over time, so, too, has unintelligence grown more and more rank across our campus.
So to lay it all out for you and to set the record straight, Slippery Rock, I have a small list of guidelines to keep in mind so you can, you know, think before you speak about other people or, more particularly, “The Rocket.”
I call it, “The Five Commandments of Get the Hell Over It.”
1) Thou shalt not use social media – particularly Twitter – to splurge verbal excrement in a self-righteous notion to demean other people and organizations.
You want to trash talk a person or an organization online (and sometimes through an anonymous profile) yet not take the initiative to confront them? That’s cute.
But we’re all adults on this campus (even though some seem to not want to act like one), and if you have a problem, confront them like a grown-up. Otherwise, get the hell over it.
2) ARTICLES are objective news stories, while COLUMNS and EDITORIALS are purposefully opinionated pieces on varying topics. YES, THERE IS A DIFFERENCE.
Bashing an objective news story and calling it biased and completely wrong all while singing the praises of an opinion piece for being unbiased and accurate is not only annoying, it makes you look like a dumbass.
And when it comes to newspapers, every single one publishes a staff opinion piece. These are called Editorials, and they are not meant to sing praises. Take the time to actually read a newspaper and get the hell over it.
3) Stop using illogical excuses and cloaked bigotry to denounce equal rights for the LGBTQI community.
My personal favorite excuse is “because [same sex marriage] will ruin the sanctity of marriage.”
No, it won’t. Adultery ruins the sanctity of marriage. Getting a divorce after 72 days of marriage ruins the sanctity of marriage. Marrying someone for reasons other than LOVE ruins the sanctity of marriage.
Want a perfect example of someone who ruined the sanctity of marriage? Look at Newt Gingrich.
Yes, I just said that. Do your research, and get the hell over it.
4) Being purposefully loud and obnoxious can be funny once in a while, but being so every single day is no way to get peers to respect you.
I think this one speaks for itself. So, get the hell over it.
And, last but not least,
5) Yes, Mad Max is awesome. But the fact is, the Thunder Dome really is a stupid name.
‘Sorry not sorry.’ Get the hell over it.
If your blood is boiling by this point into my column, that’s good! I made you think.
Just please, for God’s sake, use intelligent discourse in person.