Dear Ana,
I am friends with many different kinds of crowds – some old, some new, some crazy and wild, and others mild and, for lack of a better word, boring. Most of the time when I try to balance my schedule and free time, these sets of friends clash! It’s crazy and fun, and I love all my friends, and so far I don’t regret anything, but it’s so hard sometimes to balance them all out, and make sure that I see everyone equally.
I never had this problem ‘til I started college (because I never had friends ‘til now). I know it’s a first world problem, but what do you recommend to do so that I make sure to never hurt anyone’s feelings in the future?
Feeling So Loved
Dear Feeling,
Your question makes me a bit angry because I am jealous of what you consider a problem because the toilet in my apartment just broke and our maintenance people are very unreliable.
That said, I can see where you may have issues, especially if your friends clash. It is too much for one person to figure out how to perfectly balance your time with them all, so don’t stress yourself out over it.
I can see that you are happy with your situation. Crazy and fun are two words that should describe a good use of free time. I don’t think you’ll find yourself hurting your friends because you don’t see them enough, simply because you seem like a loving person.
I do have one tip for you, and that is to make a little test to determine if you should hang out with one group of friends before the other. When the situation arises, ask yourself how long ago it has been since you last hung out with them compared to the other group and if you miss them. But other than that advice, just enjoy yourself!
Dear Ana,
When you are a college student with a chaotic schedule, what’s the best way to go about fixing a broken give a darn?
Doesn’t Care
Dear Doesn’t Care,
As long as you are getting all of your work done, I don’t see why you’d need to fix your give a darn. In fact, it’s a good quality to have when you have work, school, activities and responsibilities to an overwhelming degree.
If you did in fact give a darn you would only cause yourself too much anxiety. The best way to manage life sometimes is with a shoulder shrug.
Dear Ana,
I live in an apartment with three other roommates, and two of the girls I don’t get along with. They leave passive aggressive notes on our white board, on sticky notes, through text messages and other actions. They’ve moved my laundry from the dryer to a dirty table, and I’ve also had the garbage from the bathroom put in front of my door because I didn’t put the garbage out when they wanted it done.
My other roommate and I can’t seem to do anything right in their eyes and its getting more and more frustrating to live with them. Is there anything possible I can do?
Suffering
Dear Suffering,
It sounds like you have the typical nightmare female roommates. Passive aggression is their specialty, and they can use such strategies to break a rational person down. The first thing I feel like I must tell you, as it is that time of year again to re-sign leases, is to not re-sign your lease – at all, whatsoever.
Living in an apartment, you are on your own when it comes to negotiating problems. I feel that you have two options: try to sit down with them all at once and discuss it, or ignore it and ride it out until the end of the semester.
Sitting down with them is the best choice – although it may get bloody to let all of those feelings out, it will help in the long run because it will release the tension that the roommates have been slowly releasing.
Ignoring it may be best if they refuse to negotiate. Do not retaliate – it will only make it worse.
