2008 Woodie Awards
Wake up and smell the coffee: Starbucks superior in name only
By Lisbeth Wells-Pratt
Rocket Columnist
Issue date: 4/4/08 Section: Opinion
As an American, I've never been much for labels, and I'm certainly not one for labels that are nothing but a status symbol.
Over the years, I've learned that I'm not in the majority in that kind of thinking, and one of the biggest labels that I don't feel the need to flaunt is the Starbucks label. I know a lot of people who refuse to drink McDonald's coffee because it's not Starbucks, and that somehow makes you less cool.
I tend to think that coffee that tastes like burnt hair that's been scraped out of the bottom of a coffee pot is less cool than drinking legitimate coffee. You ask half of the people who claim they like coffee about what kind of coffee they drink at Starbucks, and I guarantee you most will say "Frappuccinos," which are the wussy cousins of coffee.
That is not coffee, that is a coffee-flavored drink. People need to stop pretending that Starbucks sells real coffee, when all they really sell is bad coffee, tasty coffee-flavored drinks and a label. That label says "I am part of the elite. I can afford to spend $4 on bad coffee."
They also sell poems on the sides of their cups, which is one of the silliest things I've ever seen. If the most literature you see in a day is something you find on the side of a Starbucks cup, I think you need to reevaluate your priorities.
Personally, when I see people drinking Starbucks coffee, I have to wonder if I've missed something. Do people enjoy spending ridiculous amounts of time in line to pay for coffee that's nothing special? Is it just that they want to carry around a status symbol? Have I only ever gotten bland cups of coffee at Starbucks?
A study from last year showed that consumers actually rated McDonald's coffee higher than Starbucks in terms of taste as well as value. Apparently, however, McDonald's just isn't trendy enough for America. McDonald's screams "I love trans fats," whereas Starbucks is classier. It's like buying expensive Fiji water because it comes in a trendy-looking square bottle, even though Aquafina is arguably the exact same thing in a less-exciting package. It's nonsensical and silly, and kind of makes my head hurt.
The only good thing (wink, wink) about Starbucks, I think, is that there are Starbucks in close proximity to other Starbucks. This means that you could be walking down the street, get some coffee from a Starbucks, turn back around and think "I think I might like some coffee from Starbucks," then go back and get some coffee from another Starbucks. Who thought that was a good idea? Are there really that many absent-minded people on Earth? Can somebody please explain to me how Starbucks can get away with overcharging people for bad coffee, and then build one café across the street from another?
I think there's only one reasonable explanation for this, and I know I will lose a few readers after this statement, but I believe that Starbucks has managed to brainwash millions of customers through mind control. The coffee tastes so unusual because they have implanted microchips into your cups that you can't see. Millions of Americans could not possibly be so misled as to buy into the trendy label that is Starbucks, could they?
Clearly, the Starbucks Corporation has made a very deliberate plan to make us believe that their coffee is really worth buying. That's why I only drink McDonald's coffee, because the only thing they're slipping in there is too much cream. I'm not afraid of McDonald's trying to coerce me into liking their coffee because it's actually decent.
We should stop being controlled by labels and the stigma we attach to them. Americans shouldn't buy into the idea that their coffee is somehow inferior because it isn't in a Starbucks cup.
Mind-controlling devices aside, it's time to take back our caffeine buzz from The Man. Life is far too short to let the corporations tell you what kind of coffee you should drink. Many more Americans are starting to think this about Starbucks, too. Increasing competition and a drop in sales have been afflicting the company for a few months now.
Maybe they've finally found out that a Barista is just a glorified coffeehouse worker. Maybe they're just sick of the hype.
Either way, it's grand that we got a Starbucks at SRU just as the trend was coming to an end…which is vaguely reminiscent of the time we got a McDonald's right after they built one in Moscow. Go figure.
Lisbeth Wells-Pratt is a sophomore creative writing major and a regular contributor to The Rocket.
Over the years, I've learned that I'm not in the majority in that kind of thinking, and one of the biggest labels that I don't feel the need to flaunt is the Starbucks label. I know a lot of people who refuse to drink McDonald's coffee because it's not Starbucks, and that somehow makes you less cool.
I tend to think that coffee that tastes like burnt hair that's been scraped out of the bottom of a coffee pot is less cool than drinking legitimate coffee. You ask half of the people who claim they like coffee about what kind of coffee they drink at Starbucks, and I guarantee you most will say "Frappuccinos," which are the wussy cousins of coffee.
That is not coffee, that is a coffee-flavored drink. People need to stop pretending that Starbucks sells real coffee, when all they really sell is bad coffee, tasty coffee-flavored drinks and a label. That label says "I am part of the elite. I can afford to spend $4 on bad coffee."
They also sell poems on the sides of their cups, which is one of the silliest things I've ever seen. If the most literature you see in a day is something you find on the side of a Starbucks cup, I think you need to reevaluate your priorities.
Personally, when I see people drinking Starbucks coffee, I have to wonder if I've missed something. Do people enjoy spending ridiculous amounts of time in line to pay for coffee that's nothing special? Is it just that they want to carry around a status symbol? Have I only ever gotten bland cups of coffee at Starbucks?
A study from last year showed that consumers actually rated McDonald's coffee higher than Starbucks in terms of taste as well as value. Apparently, however, McDonald's just isn't trendy enough for America. McDonald's screams "I love trans fats," whereas Starbucks is classier. It's like buying expensive Fiji water because it comes in a trendy-looking square bottle, even though Aquafina is arguably the exact same thing in a less-exciting package. It's nonsensical and silly, and kind of makes my head hurt.
The only good thing (wink, wink) about Starbucks, I think, is that there are Starbucks in close proximity to other Starbucks. This means that you could be walking down the street, get some coffee from a Starbucks, turn back around and think "I think I might like some coffee from Starbucks," then go back and get some coffee from another Starbucks. Who thought that was a good idea? Are there really that many absent-minded people on Earth? Can somebody please explain to me how Starbucks can get away with overcharging people for bad coffee, and then build one café across the street from another?
I think there's only one reasonable explanation for this, and I know I will lose a few readers after this statement, but I believe that Starbucks has managed to brainwash millions of customers through mind control. The coffee tastes so unusual because they have implanted microchips into your cups that you can't see. Millions of Americans could not possibly be so misled as to buy into the trendy label that is Starbucks, could they?
Clearly, the Starbucks Corporation has made a very deliberate plan to make us believe that their coffee is really worth buying. That's why I only drink McDonald's coffee, because the only thing they're slipping in there is too much cream. I'm not afraid of McDonald's trying to coerce me into liking their coffee because it's actually decent.
We should stop being controlled by labels and the stigma we attach to them. Americans shouldn't buy into the idea that their coffee is somehow inferior because it isn't in a Starbucks cup.
Mind-controlling devices aside, it's time to take back our caffeine buzz from The Man. Life is far too short to let the corporations tell you what kind of coffee you should drink. Many more Americans are starting to think this about Starbucks, too. Increasing competition and a drop in sales have been afflicting the company for a few months now.
Maybe they've finally found out that a Barista is just a glorified coffeehouse worker. Maybe they're just sick of the hype.
Either way, it's grand that we got a Starbucks at SRU just as the trend was coming to an end…which is vaguely reminiscent of the time we got a McDonald's right after they built one in Moscow. Go figure.
Lisbeth Wells-Pratt is a sophomore creative writing major and a regular contributor to The Rocket.
Viewing Comments 1 - 10 of 16
Tom Stevenson
posted 4/04/08 @ 7:46 AM EST
As I type this, I am eating a can of Chef Boyardee Spaghetti and Meatballs. It's what I grew up with, and I enjoy it, but I'm not fooled into believing that it is anything more than a sorry excuse for pasta. (Continued…)
duke
posted 4/04/08 @ 9:16 AM EST
Lisbeth I can't count on both hands how many misinformed statements you've made in your column - from Starbucks to McDonalds to Fiji water...perhaps you should investigate what you're reporting next time instead of selling your hatred for anything 'corporate America'. (Continued…)
Ozzie T
posted 4/04/08 @ 10:33 AM EST
Get over it.
Magdor Grumtor
posted 4/04/08 @ 11:35 AM EST
After reading your article this morning I felt that I needed to respond to it. I do not usually do this but you touched a nerve with me.
I have been drinking coffee for over 20 years here (Seattle) and every where else in the world and I like the taste of Starbucks. (Continued…)
David
posted 4/04/08 @ 12:34 PM EST
Lisbeth - Please get your facts correct before comparing products. FIJI Water is not the same as Aquafina. FIJI water is a natural artesian water that contains a number of naturally occuring minerals such as silica, calcium, electrolytes etc. (Continued…)
Cam
posted 4/04/08 @ 12:37 PM EST
1- Starbuck's also sells great coffee- I love the Stuff, and have a very hard time finding a better cup anywhere else. 2- If some people like their fraps, let them. (Continued…)
greg
posted 4/04/08 @ 1:31 PM EST
What's funny is that most of the country has this conception that other people parade around with the Starbucks label to look chic and sophisticated. Even worse, a large swath of this country might just be doing that for those reasons. (Continued…)
Justin
posted 4/04/08 @ 1:53 PM EST
I know it's very easy to cry "status" symbol here. In many cases, it's true. But there's more to it. In my case, I work in a downtown area. My choices are a Starbucks and a Mickey D's. (Continued…)
ross
posted 4/04/08 @ 2:25 PM EST
I usually buy black coffee from SBUX, no fancy drinks, or extra sugar/cream. I feel that there is a great taste difference between SBUX and MCdonalds/Dunkin Donuts, and it is worth the extra 50 cents or so. (Continued…)
Howard Behar
posted 4/05/08 @ 4:40 PM EST
Dear Lisbeth,
First of all let me say that you write very well. It is nice to know that those skills are still alive and well in our universities. (Continued…)
Post a Comment