The Rocket

Issue date: 3/28/08 Section: Opinion

I don't know if anyone else got this e-mail, but for once, I was pleased to get it.

There has been many a time where I sat on the computer with my Rockmail open, waiting for a very important reply to a very important e-mail I had sent, only to spring up with a clench of anxiety in my stomach when I heard the familiar ding of a new message in my inbox. This time, when I opened my inbox, all I saw was a chipper subject line touting "Good News."

"Good News?" I thought. "What kind of good news could it possibly be?" This time, however, the content of the e-mail was different. It didn't contain a story about some professor with amnesia teaching autistic monkeys to write sonnets. No, this e-mail was much more pertinent to everyday life here at SRU.

"Academic and Administrative Departments Communicate Effectively" was the headline. It seemed that someone decided it would be a good idea for the different departments around campus to be in possession of the same information regarding academic policies.

This means I could now e-mail Academic Records, ask them a question regarding a liberal studies requirement, then ask the history department and receive the same answer. That sounded like good news to me.

Besides that, I can't tell you how many times I have been sent around campus to different offices. I've asked Academic Records a question, then been told "ask Summer School," where I'm told to "ask Academic Records."

It's like I'm talking to my parents about something, then I'm sent back and forth between them, just because neither one wants to make a decision and instead wants the other to make it. Life would be so much easier for students if the departments and offices on campus communicated with each other and actually knew what was going on.

The next bullet regarded parking space. It seems that the university was going to build a parking garage that would allow all students, even commuters, to find a parking spot on campus. There would also be ample parking near North Hall and Miller Auditorium, a location notorious for its lack of parking spots.

No longer would students have to troll the parking lots, stalking students who have their keys in their hand and happen to look like they might get into a 2007 Chevy Aveo, only to see the potential drivers retrieve a forgotten textbook. No, there would be plenty of parking and students would no longer have to leave 30 minutes early to get to class because they need to spend 20 minutes parking.

Next on the list of "Good News" was an impending ban, effective at the start of the summer semester, of all Vera Bradley bags, and of all Crocs.

There was a time in this country where only women over 70 carried Vera Bradley bags. This needlessly unattractive accessory is popular with the education majors and resembles an accident between an Indian fabric truck and an old woman.

It will occasionally be paired up with the plastic monstrosities that are Crocs. Plastic, Technicolor fungus-trappers, Crocs are somehow considered by many people to be acceptable in polite society because they are "comfortable."

Blankets are comfortable, but that doesn't mean it's acceptable to wear them out in public. These fashion disasters are visually disturbing, and the university had finally seen the light.

Way down at the bottom of the list was, what I think, the most important item of good news. "Good News," the bold text read, "class sizes do matter, and in many large classes, the quality of education suffers." It went on to describe how larger class sizes mean less opportunities for discussion, less feedback from professors, and a less fruitful learning experience.

Therefore, class sizes would begin to shrink, which meant that my creative writing classes would no longer have 28 people in them. Students would be able to have classroom discussions because the professors actually knew their names, and it would be a much better classroom atmosphere overall.

Good news? Sounds like it. Unfortunately, it's just my twisted idea of an early April Fool's Day joke. After all, there's no way we can give up those Vera Bradley bags.

At least now the university can now ponder the validity (or lack thereof) of these ideas.

Until then, I will be waiting for that epic Good News e-mail, telling us what we all really want to hear. If we're lucky, it will happen in the not-so-distant future.

But I wouldn't count on it.

Lisbeth Wells-Pratt is a sophomore creative writing major and a regular contributor to The Rocket.

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