The Rocket

Issue date: 10/26/07 Section: Opinion

I think I would punch a bear in the face for Stephen Colbert.

In my opinion, it's really great that the conservative Christian lobby now has a candidate they can count on. During the straw poll conducted at the Values Voters Summit, Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee were the leaders of the pack in terms of sharing the values that conservative voters have.

Now, mind you, Mike Huckabee has even asked Stephen Colbert to be his vice president. If that isn't a symbol of the kind of hard-line, straight-and-narrow man Colbert is, I don't know what is.

Sure, his name sounds kind of French, and that makes me uncomfortable, but we can't have it all, can we?

Stephen Colbert is a candidate who stands by his convictions. Even when harassed by liberal Tim Russert on "Meet the Press" this Sunday, he stood firm on his feelings regarding Social Security and Medicare. He believes that we should abolish both of them.

He also asked, "Why do you get paid after you stop working?" It is a question I have often wondered myself. People should not get paid for not being productive members of society, old or young, especially those artists in California who buy dope as soon as they get their grubby little hands on their welfare checks.

Colbert also brings up the issue of prevalent homosexuality in this country. He shows his true colors on this issue, and I believe he establishes his credibility with a nationwide audience. Straight Americans are not ready for gays to get married. They barely have a handle on the institution itself.

Regarding religious ideals and values, Colbert definitely represents an ideal candidate for America, leading us down a very fair and very balanced path to a country ruled by down-home morality. He is South Carolina's native son, no matter what the notoriously heretical Barack Obama may say.

Last week, Obama declared that "(Colbert)'s not really down-home South Carolina. That's my impression. I can't picture Stephen eating grits."

I disagree, Sen. Obama. Stephen Colbert is a very intelligent candidate who knows better than to show distaste for certain Southern foods. Before you know it, you'll see a television ad of Stephen Colbert eating grits, holding a baby on his knee, and wearing an American flag pin on his lapel (which is more than I can say for some candidates). This is because Stephen Colbert is more American than any of the candidates out there, despite his French-sounding last name.

During a time in which it is hard to tell the good guys from the bad, Colbert is looking out for us. He embodies the qualities that Americans have been looking for in a candidate, and for him to run for president (in South Carolina only, as he pointed out) is a gift to the country. Not only will he encourage young voters to go out there and elect a real candidate to office, he will help get out the message that it's okay to be a conservative. It doesn't mean that you're dumber than the liberals, it just means that you're a little bit more America.

I know that people may scoff, saying that Colbert is making a mockery of the prestigious American electoral system, but I think that we as a country can come together to say that the system doesn't need any help from Colbert.

Besides, he is far too busy planning his election strategy, one that will show the American people that there might be some great candidates out there-but only one greatest candidate.

Lisbeth Wells-Pratt is a freshman creative writing major and a regular contributor to The Rocket.

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