The Rocket

Issue date: 3/9/07 Section: Opinion

Necessity is the mother of invention. I'm not talking about a cure for cancer, a new super weapon or a hybrid vehicle, but a fridge that shoots beer.

A man in North Carolina put his engineering degree to good use and created a mini-fridge that will shoot a beverage can up to 20 feet. The magazine can hold 10 cans before it needs to be reloaded.

If any invention in the past century speaks more for the American way of life, it's this. Even though we created the atomic bomb, this invention shows that we will not be satisfied until we can command our lives from the couch with a series of remote controls.

I was worried that women would have nothing to do for their husbands, but the magazine does need to be reloaded. The common American man can't live on just 10 beers a day.

And even though I usually never have to say this, if you were offended by the last paragraph, I suggest you look up the word satire and realize I'm bashing the common lazy slob.

If this is what people do with engineering degrees, this shows that our country is going down the tubes.

Granted, I like beer and I also think it's interesting, but I do have legs. The three seconds it takes to go to the fridge are not going to convince me to spend money on a beer-chucking fridge.

We are a society of babies. It was too difficult to have stationary phones, so cell phones were created. The advent of the remote control made manually switching television stations a thing of the past. Walking from store to store was a hassle, so we created malls.

You have to give the mall tycoons credit though. They knew the American citizen was turning into a sloth, so they went out of their way to create escalators.

My grandfather worked in the mines since he was nine years old. Every morning, he ate a breakfast that would give most middle-aged desk workers a violent heart attack that would make their arteries rupture. He also made it through a second world war, and he is now approaching his nineties.

Today, I hear stories of people who eat a hot dog and collapse on the floor.

Take some pride in your life. Move around and do things for yourself. Get up off the couch and do something that gives value to your life. Turn off American Idol and read a book.

If for some reason you can't get a beer on your own, go to a bar. At least you'll be socializing with other individuals and not gazing into a box. If you go to a sports bar, you may as well head back home because you're not getting the point.

Culture and personal pride have died in this country. Do something to better yourself and the world around you, besides sitting on your couch with your useless gadgets. Take time to do things worthwhile in life, because it's the only life you have.

Tony Maiocco is a senior communication major and a regular contributor to The Rocket.

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