The Rocket

Issue date: 2/17/06 Section: Entertainment

When Hollywood remade "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre," I was a little bit upset. The original was a registered classic, but I admit, the remake was mildly entertaining. Then came the remake of "The Amityville Horror," and that was OK because there was room for improvement from the original. Both of those franchises spawned series of sequels and legions of cult fans, so I can see why movie studios would want to try to revive them.

However, I cannot say the same for "When a Stranger Calls." After seeing this 83-minute horror of a film, I scratched my head and wondered why they ever thought to remake this movie. The only thing the original spawned was a made-for-TV sequel entitled "When a Stranger Calls Back."

The movie was filled with horribly written dialogue, atrocious acting and horror movie devices that we have seen a million times before. We all know the story. A teenage babysitter is harassed via the phone by a murderous psychopath, only to find out that the calls are coming from…INSIDE THE HOUSE! With that 25-cent summary, I just saved you $8.

Director Simon West tried to build suspense several times during the film. Our heroine, Jill, would walk around the house investigating various sounds and movements, only to find out that it was the cat, or the maid or the automatic sprinkler system. There was so much walking around and investigating that I became painfully bored and began to anticipate the coming of the "Stranger," so that maybe he could end my pain.

Finally, BOOM, the calls are coming from inside the house and at last the "Stranger" has arrived. This is followed by about 10 minutes of hiding and running that left me completely unfulfilled. Even at the end of the movie, you can't forget how bad it was, as you finally get to see the "Stranger's" face in an awkward and awful slow motion close up.

Veteran Tommy Flanagan played the "Stranger." You might remember him as the bomb wielding hit man in the sewer in "Sin City" or maybe from his roll in "Alien vs. Predator." Sad to say, he was the most recognizable face in the entire movie and you got to see it for about one awkward minute.

What did this movie have going for it? It didn't have a solid script, it didn't show us anything that we haven't seen before and it had virtually zero star power. This was an absolutely pointless movie, and if you need more proof let me recite my favorite line from the film. The best friend Scarlet says, "Guys, stop it! This is so high school." Our main character Jill replies, "Scarlet, we're in high school."

The tag line for "When a Stranger Calls" is "Whatever You Do, Don't Answer the Phone." I've got a better idea: "Whatever You Do, Don't See This Movie."

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