2008 Woodie Awards
Author speaks to students about abuse
By Valerie Waltz
Issue date: 9/30/05 Section: News
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Murray said she worked as an intern at a women's shelter in Orange County, Ca., and counseled 300 women who stayed at the shelter. Many of the women who stayed there were there because of abusive relationships. As Murray tried to get to the bottom of why these women stayed in the abusive relationships, she soon found out where it all started.
"Every woman at that shelter began her abusive dating relationships when she was twelve," Murray said. "It became engrained in her that it was normal."
Murray said it was at that point in her life that she wanted to not only help, but to educate people on the issue of abusive relationships.
The lecture began with Murray giving the starting points of an abusive relationship.
She said when you let your partner call you derogatory names; you're allowing them to lay the groundwork of an abusive relationship.
"Abuse is intentional; the plan is to take any self-worth that you have and stomp it into the ground until there is nothing left," Murray said.
She said that emotional abuse is by far, the worst abuse a person can endure.
"A broken arm will heal, a broken spirit, well sometimes it doesn't heal," Murray said.
As she spoke to the audience she recalled girls telling her that their abusive boyfriends were jealous. She said these girls would be, at first, so happy that their boyfriends would be jealous of them.
In their eyes it meant that he cared about them. She said that some people thought that jealousy meant, "I love you," when it really meant the person is afraid to lose you because they have controlling behaviors and are needy.
The red flags Murray focused on throughout her lecture consisted of three things: jealousy, possessive behaviors and controlling behaviors.
Ashley, whose name has been changed for reasons of confidentiality, was a guest speaker alongside Murray. She said she had been in an abusive relationship for a year and a half.
