2008 Woodie Awards
Crossing Signals
"Sex Signals" combines entertainment, education
By Dara Salley
Issue date: 4/22/05 Section: Life
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"What does this question mean to you? I want to hang out? I need help studying? I want to have sex? The mixed messages in the language of dating were the focus of the discussion/performance titled "Sex Signals," that took place Monday night in the MPR of the union.
Amber Kelly and Kyle Terry are performers and educators who travel the nation doing shows that are a mixture of scripted material, improvisation and audience interaction. Both Kelly and Terry were at the performance Monday night, trying to spread their message to SRU students.
"It's about the way men and women communicate, or don't communicate. To some, dating is like the first day of spring," Terry said. "To some it sucks."
They addressed the double standard and expectations that guys and girls are confronted with when dating. They then asked the audience to give them examples of what it means to be ladylike and manly.
The students replied that acting like a lady meant cooking dinner, keeping legs crossed, being polite, not doing anything, not speaking, being passive and being a virgin. On the other hand students felt that acting like a man meant being aggressive, liking beer, liking sports and having sex.
Kelly and Terry then acted out the situation that would occur if these two ideals met. Terry initiated the conversation by dipping his finger in his drink, wiping it on Kelly's shirt and asking if she wanted to get out of those wet clothes. In the conversation that followed Terry took the position of the average guy. He reasoned that if the girl was sitting there alone at a party she must want to get hit on.
"Just because she's sitting by herself, it doesn't mean that she wants to be hit on," Kelly said. "There's a difference between flirting and hitting on someone. He was acting like a deer hunter stalking his prey. There's a difference between being assertive and aggressive. An assertive guy has confidence but can take no for an answer."
The performers asked the women in the audience how they would describe the perfect man, and they replied the perfect man would be smart and sensitive. One girl said the perfect man would be good with kids, eliciting groans and boos from some of the male members of the audience.
"Don't you think it is difficult for a guy to be all these things and still be himself?" Terry said. "What women want is a cross between Brad Pitt and Oprah."
Terry and Kelly said you can't always expect a date or a relationship to go the way you want it to.
"Whether through television or movies we are constantly being hammered with ideas about how things are supposed to go," Terry said.
The discussion/performance then took a serious turn as Terry and Kelly turned their attention to the topic of date rape. They conducted the discussion in the form of a talk show with Terry portraying a college guy who was accused of rape.
The scene started with a guy and a girl going out on a date, and having some drinks with things getting heavy. They made out and eventually had sex. The guy says it was consensual but the girl said she made it clear she said no.
The hosts then asked the audience for their opinion on whether it was rape or not. The audience responded with questions to Terry that discussed areas like who made the first move, who undressed first, and how drunk she was. The audience was unclear about whether it was rape or not.
"What makes this situation clear is that during sex she said no and he chose to ignore that," Kelly said.
Many members of the audience suggested maybe the girl was saying she was raped because she was ashamed of having sex.
"If you look at the actual statistics, only 5 percent of reported rapes were made up," Kelly said. "It does happen, but not very often. The trap we have to be careful of is blaming the victim. If any of you were in this situation, in either position, we encourage you to get counseling. You have crisis centers available on campus."
A large part of the audience complained when the show took a more serious turn. They wanted more of the comedy and not a discussion on such a difficult subject.
"We wanted the show to mirror the situation. What can start out as a really good time can turn really serious if one person decides to take it in that direction," Terry said. "One person makes their choice absolutely clear and that choice is taken away from them."
Kelly and Terry both have degrees in theater and have been members of organizations that help rape victims.
"We show that we are willing to listen. We confront stereotypes and talk realistically," Kelly said. "This is humor-based learning. Especially with a subject like this, humor can make it easier to listen and relate. We can break down defenses."
Terry said listening was important in preventing rape.
"I think it is a lack of listening skills," Terry said. "Men and women become less able to listen as they get older, and it's important to listen. What we do is connect the things that go on at parties to rape. Everyone knows rape is bad. What we say is that this is rape and this is bad."
