The Rocket

Issue date: 3/4/05 Section: Entertainment

Media Credit: PHOTO COURTESY OF AP Academy Award winner Jamie Foxx.

Media Credit: PHOTO COURTESY OF KRT CAMPUS Academy Award Winner Hilary Swank.

Well, the 77th Annual Academy Awards have come and gone. You can finally sigh a great big huff of relief now that you know "The Sea Inside" won the prestigious title as "Best Foreign Language Film," right?

Sure.

Anyway, in case you missed the Sunday evening gala filled with ga-jillionaire movie people that know far more than I could ever imagine, have no fear, Colin has come to the rescue once again to fill you in on has, has-not's and has-beens that decorated the Kodak Theatre this past weekend.

Here, I will discuss the five major categories this pretentious gathering of over-paid bobble heads brought us including Best Picture, Actor/Actress and Supporting Actor/Actress.

And for those of you who are looking for "Best Actor Turned Actress That Supports an Animated Figure While Composing Best Score to a Short Film" category, you are going to have to wait until next week. I am being told it isn't quite as important as Best Picture, and has since been bumped to a later issue. Who knew?

First up, Best Supporting Actress. In a category filled with a whole bunch of "the next somebody's," who knew a woman in a film opposite Leonardo DiCaprio could come away with such a win?

Cate Blanchett did, proving that being in all 367 "Lord Of The Rings" really can help a redheaded Australian make it in the world today. Praying for a nomination next year for her upcoming work in "Little Fish," Blanchett then thanked Gwen Stefani for failing miserably in an attempt to change her career. It was later reported a new No Doubt record is suddenly in the works.

Next is Best Supporting Actor. In one of its 3,469 wins, "Million Dollar Baby's" Morgan Freeman took home the overrated statue of fake gold. You have to wonder if this ranks right up there with playing the role of "God" next to Jim Carrey in "Bruce Almighty."

Making a career out of supporting your favorite actor, Freeman has played second fiddle to such stars as Brad Pitt, the aforementioned Carrey and now even your favorite cowboy, Clint Eastwood. No matter how many awards he could get for "Million Dollar Baby," he'll always be Detective Lt. William Somerset in my heart. Let's hear it for sick and twisted movies.

With all of that said, Hilary Swank took home Best Actress for the same movie Freeman graced his presence with, "Million Dollar Baby." Sweet Carly from "Beverly Hills 90210" has come such a long way, wouldn't you say?

Having starred in such M-list movies as "Kounterfeit," and alongside Patrick Swayze in "11:14," you could say Swank came out of nowhere, or you could simply just say that she will eventually go back to that lovely place of nowhere, or you could say both. Regardless she can now have that coveted label as the "Academy Award Winning Hilary Swank," and we all saw how far that got Susan Sarandon.

Along with taking the "heart-warming, gee let's be happy, hug each other and love the fact that we are alive" award, Jamie Foxx surprised absolutely nobody by bringing home the Oscar for Best Actor for his work in "Ray." Insert your own clichéd feel-good sarcastic remark right about here.

You have to wonder if he knew he would be someday accepting an Oscar for Best Actor when he was talking to Jennifer Lopez backstage during their "In Living Color" days.

"Yeah Jennifer, someday I'm going to be a star," Foxx said.

"I know Jamie, and someday I'll make great music," Lopez responded.

Well, it's good to know that at least one of those came true.

Now, to the cream of the crop. The best of the best. The biggest award of them all. The one that proves how hard making a movie can really be. The one that proves there is no "I" in team. The one that all you little kids dream about during class. The award for Best Picture.

After taking home all the other awards that evening, "Million Dollar Baby" expectedly reserved its spot in movie heaven by claiming dibs on the Best Picture award, beating out such fan-favorites as Foxx's "Ray" and DiCaprio's "The Aviator" in a not so huge upset.

With all of that said, and the actual awards already handed out, it is now time for you lovely children to know who should have won these awards. It is now time for the "Colins."

Instead of making this a four hour ceremony, I will try to keep this quick for I know the attention span of a college student lies somewhere between a handicapped monkey and a 1-year-old baby.

Now, without a doubt, Best Picture goes to a movie that was put together upon sheer brilliance. A movie that should have been awarded trophies left and right throughout the night. A movie that captivated America, swept us off our feet, and made us all wonder how great life could be.

Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, the best film of not only the past year, but the past century, the movie that has more brains than a Star Trek Convention, I give you, "Saw."

I mean come on. How brilliant can one movie really be? How demented, how sick and twisted can one mind get? How lovely it really can be to watch people die at the hands of such a twisted individual? Mighty lovely.

With that said, Best Actor/Supporting Actor, Actress/Supporting Actress, all go to whoever was in "Saw." Who thought the guy from "A Princess Bride" could lose the accent, gain 680 pounds and still come through in the clutch by performing at a level higher than any one of those stuffy heads in the room this past Sunday night?

So there you have it people. Hate it, love it, hate to love it, love to hate it, whichever you prefer, the Oscars this year were, well, the Oscars. The expected won, the rich got richer, the show ran longer and Chris Rock failed to disappoint, even without being allowed to say any of those seven words.

Until next year, save yourself eight bucks, rent the movie and go buy a CD. The countdown to the Grammy's has officially begun.

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