Ask Andi

Published by adviser, Author: Andi - Rocket Contributor, Date: March 25, 2015
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Question:

Dear Andi,

My boyfriend and his family asked me to go on vacation with them this summer, which you would think would be really exciting for anyone else, but for me, not so much.  I love my boyfriend, his dad and his older brother, but his mom is a different story.  It seems like she likes me, but sometimes I get “the look” from her that lets me know she doesn’t like what I’m wearing or that she doesn’t like what I say, but I let it go because I only see her for a limited amount of time.  How should I handle this situation? Should I talk to my boyfriend about it, or just let it go and try to have a fun time on the vacation?

Sincerely,

Myrtle Beach Mayhem

Answer: 

Dear Myrtle Beach Mayhem,

Oh, boy. This is a sticky situation. You definitely want to make a good impression on the family but you don’t want to constantly feel judged either. That’s not enjoyable for anyone. I would say your best bet would be to bring this problem up to your boyfriend, but very briefly and gently. There’s no need to have a long discussion about it. It could just be to bring it to his attention and then talk about it more in depth if it happens more on vacation. Maybe she just doesn’t know you well enough since you don’t spend a lot of time with her and this could be a good test for your relationship with his mother. Then your boyfriend might notice these things too if she continues to act this way, and can say something to his mom if it is bad. I wouldn’t keep this from him though, unless you feel it might get better the more time you spend with the family. Keeping honest communication is important, so if you feel uncomfortable, I believe you have the right to tell him. 

Best of Luck,

Andi

Question:

Dear Andi,

Lately my roommate has been getting on my nerves like crazy. We spend a lot of time together, which could be part of the problem, but everything she does bothers me for one reason or another.  One day she’ll wash half the dishes and leave the rest for later, she leaves the lights on after she leaves a room and she doesn’t excuse herself from the room to take a phone call while we’re watching TV.  Andi, tell me what I can do to get through the rest of the semester with her.  Something has to be done soon or I’m going to explode.

Sincerely,

Cringe-Worthy Companion

Answer: 

Dear Cringe-Worthy Companion,

I believe that is a very common thing to happen when having a roommate. I know, personally, when I spend too much time with anyone I start to become annoyed, let alone someone that I live with. I had a similar problem freshman year with my roommate and to this day we are still really good friends so don’t feel that something good cannot come out of this struggle. Learning to live with someone is never easy but it’s a learning experience so don’t view it as a bad thing.

First, you need to give yourself some time away from this roommate. Most likely if you are getting annoyed with things she is doing then she is probably getting annoyed with some things you are doing too. These types of feelings typically go both ways because when you start acting annoyed she will start getting annoyed, so remember that. Go out and do something by yourself or with a different group of friends. Try spending more time in the library instead of sitting in the room with her, or maybe not eating with her every night. Give each other that space to miss each other. Right now I have a really good roommate situation because none of us are in the same major and all have relatively busy lives so we don’t see each other all day. That way, when we do come home we get to hang out and talk about our days. If someone is there to experience every single part of your day, it gets kind of hard to find things to talk about.

Second, I feel that you need to bring up these problems to your roommate. Now, this could go really well or really bad, so you need to make sure it’s brought up in an appropriate way. I would make sure to start off by saying that you understand you are doing things that annoy her and she’s doing things that annoy you. If you two could give each other constructive criticism and resolve these issues, then things can be comfortable again. I think it’s important that you make it apparent that you have flaws and that it’s not just her that is being annoying. This will make a big difference in the kind of conversation you two will have.

I hope this helps and that things are resolved!

Wishing you the best!

Andi

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