Ask Andi

Published by adviser, Author: Andi - Rocket Contributor, Date: February 24, 2015
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Question:

Dear Andi,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for just over two months now, and I haven’t met his parents yet. They’ve been to campus to visit him since we started dating, but he didn’t ask me if I wanted to meet them. Should I be worried that this means something bad for our relationship going forward?

Sincerely,

Worried Woman

Answer: 

Dear Worried Woman,

I’m not sure how your relationship with him is, but I don’t see there being any major issues with not meeting his parents yet. Do you know if he’s talked to them about you? Do they know you’re in his life? If they don’t know you two are dating then I would be a little worried, but you have to understand too that he might just want some time alone with his parents. Not that he doesn’t want you to meet them, but he might want to spend time with just them. Now, I say if it’s been like five or six months and you haven’t met them, then you could worry, but as of right now I wouldn’t be too concerned unless they don’t know you exist. Also, it depends on how close he is with his parents too. If he isn’t that close with his parents, their opinion of you might not matter to him. I say don’t worry just yet! You wanting to meet his parents without him suggesting it first might be a little too pushy for him too. He honestly might not have thought about it. Guys are sometimes like that too.

Next time you know they’re coming, mention that you’d be excited to meet them. If he reacts weirdly then don’t push it, but maybe just verbalizing that you’re interested could initiate something.

Don’t worry. Be happy.

Andi

Question:

Dear Andi,

Let me start off by saying I know how awful this is going to sound, but I need your help deciding what I should do. I’ve been seeing my friend’s ex-boyfriend for a few weeks now, but the thing is, she doesn’t know we’ve been hanging out. I don’t know how to tell her that we’ve been seeing each other, and it’s getting harder to keep things a secret. How should I tell her the truth about her ex and me?

Sincerely, 

Scarlet Letter

Answer: 

Dear Scarlet Letter,

Oh boy…what a situation. This is a tough spot to be in. Ultimately, you know this isn’t going to go over well. That’s just how it is with females and ex-boyfriends, so I would prepare yourself for that. You’re going to hurt her by telling her this which means she might do something to project that hurt back onto you, so just be ready.

Personally, I’ve never been in this situation or really know anyone in this situation to speak from experience, but I would have to think that the only way to tell her this is to be honest and up front. If I were her and I was told this information, it would hurt (how bad it would hurt would depend on how close you two are) but knowing the truth would be better. How did you start talking to this ex-boyfriend? Did he start talking to you and was it soon after they broke up? Maybe, if it wasn’t soon after they broke up or anything bad, just explain it to her (if she wants to hear it). If they have been broken up for a while, and things just happened where he was in your life a lot then it’s understandable why you two started hanging out. If they just broke up, and you pounced, then I wouldn’t tell her just yet. Just think about it from her perspective and tell her how you would want her to break the same news to you.

Like I said before, don’t expect things to be great between you two at first, but over time that might change. If not, I hope this boy is worth losing a friend over because that might be what happens…you’ll never know unless you tell her though.

Good luck!

Andi

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