Dear Andi,
I wrote to you last semester about a guy I was talking to who kept bringing up his ex, and you have great advice so I’m back. Same guy, but we went from talking all the time to not talking at all unless we’re out together. I asked him what we were, and he said that I was a really good friend. I’m not sure if the sudden stop in conversation is because he’s seen me with other guys since we talked about our “relationship” or not. I want to know though because if there’s something that could work between us I would like to try and see what happens. But I don’t want to ask him about it and get let down. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Don’t want to live in the friend-zone
Dear Don’t want to live in the friend-zone,
Let me start off by saying good for you for confronting him about this. It takes a lot of courage to do that, so you should be proud of yourself! Kudos to you! Next, the fact that you did confront him and he told you how he felt about you helps you understand his perspective a little more. If he is withdrawing from the friendship, like not texting you all of the time, then he must be serious when he says he just wants to be friends. If he wanted more, he would’ve started hanging out with you more after you confronted him, and not retreated as he has. This tells me that he isn’t interested in something more like you are, or at least not right now. Has speaking about his ex subsided at all? That’s another sign. I would say if you desperately need to know, ask him. Go in with the mindset though of (and one of my own personal, slightly pessimistic mottos) “expect the worst, but hope for the best.”
Good luck with whatever you chose to do! Keep your heart strong and head high no matter what.
Andi
Dear Andi,
I’m graduating in May with a dual degree in early childhood and special education. I am excited and nervous about this new chapter in my life. That being said, as much as I want to find a job locally, I know that I would have a better chance looking elsewhere. I wouldn’t mind this except I can’t cook, don’t know how to do my taxes, and can barely pay for the responsibilities I have to pay for now… Let alone rent or anything else. What do I do? If I move away I will surely go into bankruptcy or starve. But staying in Pennsylvania might mean not being able to go after my dream of having my own classroom.
Help,
When Did I Become An Adult and How Can I Make It Stop
Dear When Did I Become An Adult and How Can I Make It Stop,
Congratulations on graduating in May! That’s a huge accomplishment! I wanted to be a teacher at one point but I’m not sure I could do it in this day in age, so I admire your dream of having your own classroom! One of my best friends is also studying to be an early childhood educator and I’ve heard that it’s almost impossible to get a job here, so I personally believe you’d have less of struggle if you did leave Pennsylvania. I have a friend from high school who is a high school English teacher and she got a job right after graduation in Virginia. I’m not sure how she’s doing financially, but I’m fairly certain she has her own classroom, so if that’s something you’re striving for then maybe moving out of state is the way to go! If worse comes to worst, you get a second job that you do on week nights and weekends to help pay for things. It’s not impossible. You just have to be willing to put the work in to pay for everything that you want. It may mean a few years of long hours, but maybe that’s just what you’ll have to do! I would say, though, don’t let your fear of not being able to cook or do your own taxes stop you from moving away. It might force you to be independent and learn those things. It’s not a bad thing!
I have this quote written down that I read every once in a while to put life back into perspective and I feel it applies to your struggle.
“We are all continuously embarking on first drafts, in every aspect of our lives.”
-Jules Feiffer
If you’re going to take the next step in your life, take a big one. Make the next draft of your life exciting, and if you mess up at least it was fun. Go after what you want no matter what! Being uncomfortable is the only way we learn.
Wishing you the best!
Andi
