Ask Andi

Published by adviser, Author: Andi - Rocket Contributor, Date: February 2, 2015
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Question:

Dear Andi,

I don’t know what it is lately, but my mom and I have been constantly at each other’s throats about one thing or another.  If I wait even 10 minutes after she asks me to do something like washing the dishes or taking out the garbage I get a lecture.  I don’t want to fight with her anymore, but I don’t know how to calmly talk to her about how I’m feeling.  Andi, please tell me what I should do.

Sincerely,

Mommie’s Dearest

Answer: 

Dear Mommie’s Dearest,

To be completely honest with you, my mother and I have been in the same situation before multiple times. For some reason, mothers and daughters just have this tendency to fight. Call it hormones, or whatever you would like, but it happens and the best thing to do in those situations is to just take a breath.

Here’s what I had to do to stop fighting with my mother in situations like these. First, before you get angry or react to what she’s doing, figure out what is going on in your mother’s life. Is she in any stressful situations that might cause her to have a short fuse? Is anything going on at work, or with the family that could cause her to get angry faster? I think a lot of the time we don’t think outside of our own emotions and react instead of trying to see things from the other person’s perspective. This goes for not only mother-daughter relationships, but all relationships. Second, think about how you’re speaking to your mother and what you’re saying. There tends to be a lot of miscommunication just simply because of the tone of your voice. You can say the same thing multiple ways and they can have different meanings. So before you speak, make sure to think about what you’re saying. Lastly, if you do decide to talk to her, make sure you don’t address any situations with “You are acting ridiculous!” or attacking her using “you” statements, but instead let her know how her actions are making you feel. That will seem like less of an attack and more of a conversation.

The biggest thing is to talk to your mom like you would a friend and give her the same respect you would anyone else because your mom is the ultimate friend. She’ll be there forever no matter what so appreciate her, fighting or not. Family is forever!

Much Love,

Andi

Question:

Dear Andi,

I’m just going to put it out there… I hate my brother’s girlfriend.  Everything that she does gets on my nerves.  Typically I wouldn’t be afraid to tell my brother how I feel about his girlfriend, but I can tell that he really likes her.  Should I say anything to him about this, or should I just let it go?  I honestly don’t want to hurt his feelings if he’s serious about her.

Sincerely,

Sister Problems

Answer: 

Dear Sister Problems,

What do you hate about this girl? Do you not like little habits she has, or has she done something that you feel is morally wrong against your brother? If it is something little that is bothering you, I don’t think you need to address that with your brother. If it is something deeper than that, something that your brother needs to know about, then I would tell him. Family plays a big role in a relationship whether people realize it or not. I like to believe that you don’t marry just your boyfriend or girlfriend, you marry their family, so it’s important that you like this girl or at least try to. How well do know her personally? Sometimes, learning more personal things about a person can help you understand why they act the way they do, and that might lead you to hate her less and less. So, before you go and tell your brother how much you don’t like this girl, learn more about her first. If you still don’t like her, then I would tell your brother. In the end, it really doesn’t matter if you like her or not (as harsh as that may sound). If your brother is happy, you should try to be happy for him! You trying will show that you care.

Hope things turn around!

Andi

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