Ask Andi

Published by adviser, Author: Andi - Rocket Contributor, Date: December 3, 2014
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Question:

Dear Andi,

After dating for nearly 8 months, my boyfriend just broke up with me, and I’m really sad about it since Christmas is right around the corner. I hate to sound bitter, but my roommate just made it official with the guy she’s been dating for a few months, and I can’t help but feel sad when she talks about him. I don’t want to rain on her parade because I’m so happy for her, but I just can’t help feeling sad about my situation whenever she talks about her new relationship. How should I approach her about this?

Sincerely,

Sentimental & Sad

Answer: 

Dear Sentimental & Sad,

Next time she brings up something happy about her new boyfriend tell her that you two need to talk about something. I would start out by saying how happy you are for her and her new found relationship. Be sincere about it because you want to her to know that you genuinely care about her, and what makes her happy. Then, explain how it makes you feel when she talks about it. You have the right to feel sad about the situation, so don’t feel bad for not wanting to hear about it. If she has emotions, she should know what it feels like to get hurt and how painful it is to talk/hear about it. I think just reiterate the point that you’re happy she’s happy, but for now, it’s just hard to have conversations with her about her relationship. Maybe you two can figure out some other talking points to talk about until after Christmas/break so that she can avoid bringing him up around you. I think being straight forward with her is going to get the best results for both of you, as hard as that may be.

Hope this helps! Good luck on your finals!

Andi

Question:

Dear Andi,

I have a friend… Let’s call him Bob. Bob got a girlfriend this summer, and let’s just say she isn’t well-liked. Since having this girlfriend, he has been neglecting many of his friends including myself. I have tried to stay in touch but I feel like our friendship is one-sided now. We were best friends but now I feel like we don’t even know each other at this point. I have told him about him not being a good friend and all I get from him is that it will change and he doesn’t want to lose me as a friend. When do I just give up and let it go?

Sincerely,

Why Can’t People Balance Friends & Significant Others​

Answer: 

Dear Why Can’t People Balance Friends & Significant Others,

I always tell people to let go of someone when you can’t find a reason to hold on any longer or if the relationship is becoming more stressful than rewarding. Step outside of the relationship you two have and think about the ties to this person. If you can’t find a positive and direct (no middle man, like mutual friends) connection to this person anymore, then I say it’s time to move on. Friendships that are not mutual in effort don’t seem to work out well, so if “Bob” has begun to move on, then don’t feel bad doing the same thing. If the friendship is not a two-way street, then you guys are just at different places on the map of life. This will happen and there’s nothing wrong with it. Ultimately though, move on when you’re ready. If it’s causing you more stress than pleasure, then it’s time to go.

Stress less and love those who reciprocate the love! Good luck on your finals!

Andi

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