Ask Ana

Published by adviser, Author: Ana Graham - Rocket Contributor, Date: October 4, 2012
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Dear Ana,
I’m getting a tattoo today. But I’m afraid of what my parents will say. How should I tell them?
#collegeproblems

Dear College,
You should send them a picture message by email, text, or Facebook with a photo of your new tramp stamp, Mike Tyson-style face tattoo, or lame hipster moustache on a finger tat. Along with the photo, send them a message saying, “HEY MOM AND DAD LOOK WHAT I DID WITH MY LOAN MONEY. ANY EMPLOYER THAT WON’T HIRE ME ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME ANYWAYS! #YOLO #5EVER.”
Or wait until the next holiday that you will see them again. Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and if your family is having some sort of large dinner, this would be the perfect opportunity to jump on the table, flash your tattoo and yell something about anarchy and how you’ll never live up to dad’s expectations anyway.

Or you could just wait until the next time you see them face to face and bring it up in a calm and casual way, expressing why you wanted the tattoo but that you still respect their feelings.

Dear Ana,
Why did the wooly mammoth become extinct?
Tyrannosaurus Tex

Dear Tex,
Not too many people know this, but wooly mammoths were pretty cool fellows and a good time to hang around with. They just wanted their fellow prehistoric creatures to listen to them.

Instead, no one listened to the wooly mammoths because creatures that have the word “wooly” in its name do not command a lot of authority because they are perceived as fluffy and docile. So the wooly mammoths died, and they are still ignored. They are ignored just like deadlines in Newswriting and Feature Journalism classes, and that is why students should respect deadlines.

If they don’t respect deadlines or listen to their highly esteemed professor, said professor will become extinct or wooly or something. I have no idea where I was going with this, but I hope you learned a lesson.

Dear Ana,
When shopping for wine, what is the most important factor to consider as a judge of quality, and how does one determine if the wine they’re purchasing is worth its price tag before they actually buy it?
Wino

Dear Wino,
I am not a wine critic, aficionado, or whatever fancy wine people are called. However, the best question to ask yourself is this: “Is this wine in a box?” If the wine is indeed packaged in box form, then it is not high quality. If it is not in a box then you are less likely to regret drinking it the next morning.

Price is never a good way to determine the quality of wine. Counterfeit wines have been known to be priced insanely high, and even rich people in Californian vineyards can’t honestly tell the difference between a wine that’s been aged 75 years and a wine that was fermented in a prison toilet about six months ago. Instead of drinking box wine or potential toilet wine, just don’t buy wine.

Dear Ana,
Why do college students such as myself have such a difficult time developing good time management skills despite the extensive list of resources the school provides to help them?
The Master Procrastinator

Dear Master,
The resources provided don’t always work because the world is not a perfect vacuum. A person can have a day planner, alarms, and a set routine to be able to fulfill every task one has, but one surprise-added element can throw a whole day, if not a week or longer, off kilter.

Also, it is hard to juggle everything that a college student has in the first place. Most students work on top of having class, have social and romantic connections, and also have a need to sleep, shower and eat. I once saw a triangle diagram where on each of the three edges was a different option – sleep, good grades and social life. Below the triangle was a caption about how a student can only choose two. There’s got to be a sacrifice somewhere.

Then again, there are also distractions, and everyone has at least one – partying, video games, Reddit, “South Park” streaming on Netflix, or maybe all four of those at the same time.

Students need to learn that there is nothing wrong with distractions. They are good to relieve stress and keep a sane mind. What students need to learn is the willpower to restrict their distractions.

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